The fact is, Jen and I were feeling like we could barely write and couldn’t decide on what even made sense. Through FaceTime, since we can’t see each other, we decided to just write about what we’re experiencing. Up’s, down’s, paranoia, toilet paper thoughts, and labored breathing.

The colorful schedule

Everyone is posting perfect color coded kids schedules, as we are now all homeschooling and holed up in the house during our social distance/quarantine. Even we thought we had some good ideas for planning and activities. But what does a typical day for mom really look like 2 weeks later?

Here’s a peak inside our day and our brains over the past few weeks. No judging, please. Or actually, if judging makes you feel normal go ahead and judge. We all just want to feel normal again!

We actually made our kids do this.

Early to rise

6:30 – Open eyes and prepare to wake.

6:31 – Realize there’s nothing to wake up for. Back to sleep. 

8:15 – Actually wake up. 

8:16 – Wash face, brush teeth, remember Coronavirus is real. Lean over bathroom counter in labor contraction position and breath. Start to question if I’m having difficulty breathing and if that is a symptom.

8:20 – Walk dog, throw in laundry.

This is Oscar. Get used to seeing him here.

It’s on

8:30 – Caffeine and try breathing again. Is it labored? Kinda feels labored.

8:35 – Review daily schedule for kids and pep talk myself. Teaching will be rewarding, teaching will be rewarding…..

8:38 – Realization there’s barely time for me. Adjust schedule. 

8:45 – Check email before the school I just opened starts at 9:00.

8:48 – Get sucked into news online. Oh what’s this Coronavirus everyone’s talking about? Har, har I’m hilarious. Feel tickle in my throat and stop laughing.

9:00 – School begins. Language arts and reading. Use some “artful” language of my own fighting with two different learning apps. Why did everyone buy up all the toilet paper?

9:15 – Clean up language. Decide I’m going to be the best version of myself. These kids seem bright eyed and eager to learn. Take a deep breath and wonder if it used to be a little bit deeper.

9:45 – Kids thought Ipads were for Roblox. Totally read the room wrong. Excitement was in no way directed at Language arts. Daughter just repeated my artful language. Shit!

10:00 – Class dismissed. I don’t feel rewarded.

10:30 – Walk dog and ponder the toilet paper. Why so much, people? What do you know that I don’t? Cough. Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.

11:00 – Begin workout I scheduled at 8:38 to make ME time.

moms workout

11:15 – Check phone to see if they found a cure. Check breathing. Labored again. Son of a…

11:20 – Kids interrupt.

11:21 – Where was I?

11:25 – “I said I need 30 minutes. You can go 30 minutes without asking me.” 

11:30 – “Don’t use toilet paper for it – I’m coming!” Workout over. 

11:55 – Pep talk; You’ve only coughed once and you have plenty of toilet paper in case….. in case what goddamit?! Why do I have toilet paper? 

12:00 – School’s back in session. Shit, lunch!

12:30 – School’s in. Common core math. “There’s a new sheriff in town and she carries the one.” Excuse myself to go count toilet paper rolls.

12:45 – Explain to kids this math doesn’t make sense. Your teacher is wrong. You don’t need to think so hard to solve this problem. Bring out the toilet paper as a model for counting. Notice I breath better when I can see the TP...

1:00 – Wonder if I need Xanax for this breathing thing. Wait, I can’t go to the doctor. Only emergencies. I feel like this is an emergency.

1:15 – Switch laundry and check daily briefing hoping they have a solve. Immediate depression. 

1:20 – Walk dog and whimper. Walk past laundry. 

1:40 – Sit in closet and cry. Hey I breath just fine when I cry! I’m doing great! Remember I’m crying in a closet and re classify my current state to “okay”. I’m doing okay.

moms covid schedule
My safe place.

1:50 – Pep talk; Okay, it’s almost 2:00. The day is basically over. You can do this.

1:55 – Quick count of toilet paper rolls to ensure I’m on top of things. Yup, plenty. Coronavirus can’t touch us with this many rolls. 

2:00 – Try and walk dog. Why is he just sitting there panting? Could he have it? It’s definitely is not related to the 15 walks we’ve taken.

You alright, buddy?

2:15 – Pool time. Okay, I can do this. We can do this. Livin’ our best lives…

3:15 – Science lesson. Fight with two apps and antsy kids. Walk away and practice deep breathing. Again with the breathing, WTF!

3:24 – Lesson change! Today for science, we’re going to see how Vodka melts ice in a clear glass and then disappears just as quick as it was poured in. Sound good?

4:15 – Retreat to sofa. Screw the laundry. I’m not cooking either. “Somebody better walk that dog! Where is he anyways?”


Looking for more laughs?

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